If I Cud Tell You,I'd Let You Know

If i could tell you,

i'd let you know

what goes inside my head

when i'm all alone

the vulnerable weakness inside,

covered by the strength that i have shown

If i could tell you,

i'd let you know

why i loose myself in the sky

i'm always smiling ,

but that doesn't mean 

my heart doesn't cry. . 

If i could tell you,

I'd let you know

Why I stare so longingly

when the birds fly,

out of all the truth i have said,

if some of it was a lie. . 

If i could tell you,

I'd let you know

why i keep to myself sometimes

showing no emotion

when your tears scald and start,

why i've never told you

that they drench my every part. . 

If i could tell you,

I'd let you know

why i feel you would never completely understand me,

from the core

even if you wanted to,

why no matter how deep you dig,

you'll always have to dig some more. .

If i could tell you,

I'd let you know

why i appear to be confused 

when i'm perfectly sure,

why i feel there is no prevention for heartaches,

only a cure. .

If i could tell you,

I'd let you know

I'm not depressed,unmotivated

or dwelling in the dark streets of pessism,

I'm stronger than you know,

just sometimes

when the clouds gather around

You fail to see me glow. . 

If i could tell you,

I'd let you know.

STAGEPLAY

The bullets of your words have pierced through my skin

I sought you forever

But that world eluded me akin

I want to reach out

But I freeze upon my stage

And as the spotlights illuminate my being

I pull the curtains and get lost in the blackness

Locking myself, in my lone cage.

I can hear the crowd hooting from below

But my ears are numb to their voice

Coz I just seek your soul

In the stealthy silence of my heart

How destructive it is,

The endless agony of meeting someone

Only to be apart.

I wish you’d realize it never was me running away

I was just trying to enact a play

Where the script was written by you

Even though you may not know

That was only true.

But maybe the truth is a big lie

Hiding underneath the practicalities of this life

May be our hearts want the same

But since we are brought to believe that wishes only come true in dreams

We’ve hidden our feelings

And stitched it at the seams.

The crowd has come and gone

My eyes so accustomed to this heartache

Are bland and dry

They say, I should let the pain out

And for once cry

But they don’t know

It’s the only thing I have left of yours

Except the memories kept in locked drawers.

The show has ended

For me and you

But for those who came by

It never even began

The spotlights were never needed

Nor were the scripts

For whatever had to be said has been said

And my hearts turning a lonely red

I hope one day you realize

That sometimes there are some lies in truth

And sometimes there is a lot of  truth in those lies

You just have to turn blind to what you see

And decipher what wants to be said between the lines.

NOTHING BUT DEATH

I feel old but not wiser,
sadness is trapped in my heart
in a tattered home of a miser
who doesn't wish to share a tear
but silently watches the reality of his fear,
of flowing like a morose river,
flustered with agony
walking away
from the shore of desires,
leaving behind
a fleet of admirers
who come and who go,
some from a distance,
some drenching a bit
struggling to hold the receding ground
against the frivolous flow
but no one ever does try
to see beneath the surface,
what lies in its depth. .
may be coz the wind already told them

there's NOTHING. . BUT DEATH.